Faith, Hope, Love 信望爱

(1) Visit
The church sent another visitation team to my house. Bro E and 2 others visited. He encouraged us with his personal experience with the Lord. It was always good to be lifted in faith.
At the end of the visit, Bro W told us the Lord had impressed on him 2 passages to share with us, Psalm 103 and Psalm 23. What a pleasant surprise. These were the 2 psalms that the Lord had prompted me to read few days earlier. He read for us the 103th Psalm:


^1-2 O my soul, bless God. From head to toe, I'll bless his holy name!
   O my soul, bless God,
      don't forget a single blessing!

 ^3-5 He forgives your sins—every one.
      He heals your diseases—every one.
      He redeems you from hell—saves your life!
      He crowns you with love and mercy—a paradise crown.
      He wraps you in goodness—beauty eternal.
      He renews your youth—you're always young in his presence. 


Later my university roommate also send me Ps 23 as assurance - ⁴ Even though I walk 
   through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, ^{they comfort me.}

 How wonderful it was to see confirmation of His words. God is ever caring for us.

(2) Bonding
I have the opportunity to spend more time with my younger son, age 11, simply because he spends more time at home than his 2 siblings. They are busily engaged in school for studies and extra-curriculum activities.
Of late, he grows very protective of me. He would help me to carry stuff, serve me drink, and always challenge me like:
"Papa, are you sure you can drink/eat this?" (due to the fact that I am on food restriction)
While accompanying him to basket ball court, he would said: "You can only shoot the ball, not running allowed(due to my wounds)."


Last weekend, we went to buy something from the neighourhood shops. After that, he helped me to carry stuffs back. Alomng the way, he asked: " Papa, do you enjoy spending money? " Since shopping itself is a therapy, I gladly said, "Yes, I do."
He replied: "So do I, I also enjoy spending money." I did not ask him whether it is because he is spending my money.


(3) Chemotherapy Session # 8 (1 more to go!)
Yesterday, my wife and I made our way to the hospital. As usual, did the blood test. Then proceed to see the oncologist, Dr K. He examined me, and asked about the side-effect from previous rounds. My feet has been experiencing large scale peeling of skin. On looking at them, he asked: "Do you want to postpone the treatment for few days?" Since we were already there, I decided to proceed with it. Then he said: "Next round, we can postpone by 1 more week." So the next and the last chemo will be on May 18. 


After reviewing everything, Dr K said: "You are doing very well." I could proceed to fix appointment with the colorectal surgeon to finish off the last medical procedure. "My job is done!!", Dr K declared. We thanked him for all the cares he has rendered. He was all smiling. So when would be next appointment, we asked. Dr K said, "2 months from next chemo. If you really have nothing to do, drop by for a chat." Normally serious, he did have some humor.


The nurse at the chemo screening station mentioned that the skin peeling off is side effect from the oral prescription. She also said the blood test results were excellent. So I proceed to the chemo. The nurse attending to me was superb. She took care of the injection with such skill that  I hardly felt the pain. She arranged for the warm pad which helped easing the numbness and tingling effect, and re-heat it 2 more times to ensure that the pad remain warm and effective.


Truly, thank God for keeping to His promise on healing. It is great to come to this part of the journey. We are looking towards going back to our normal routine soon, as the kids have always pray.

2Cor 5:7
 For we live by faith, not by sight.
^{歌 林 多 後 書 5 
7} 因 我 们 行 事 为 人 是 凭 着 信 心 ， 不 是 凭 着 眼 见 。

Why suffering? 世上会有苦难

1) Exercise
On Sunday evening, it drizzled. My younger son asked me to play table tennis with him, because he could not do other outdoor exercise. I took up the challenge, and played with him at ground floor few apartment blocks away. I was at 50-60% of my former "prowess", still managed to match his level.

It was good progress so far on this aspect. Initially I could do very slow walk(like slow-motion movie) in the park a month after the operation. It was painful, even when the shirt rubbed against the wound. Few weeks later, I  progressed to leisure walk. Another few weeks, "promoted" to normal walking pace. Last week, I was happy to go for brisk walk. Pushing myself a bit, as the song said: "let the weak says I am strong, let the poor says I am rich, because of what the Lord has done for us...." Though weakened, I shall be strong again.

2) Chemotherapy - Session # 7
On Tuesday my wife accompanied me to the hospital for chemotherapy session. It was one of the rare occasion it was done in the morning, because the doctor decided I was taking the chemotherapy well enough to skip seeing him this round. So the process flow was:
registration ->take blood test sample -> registration for chemo -> screening (involved blood pressure test, heart rate, nurse asking questions on all side effects from previous session, urine test, review blood test results to ensure suitability to proceed with chemo) -> waiting for chemo(1hr 10 min) -> chemo session (2 hrs). The morning session was much less crowded. In the afternoon all the stations of chemotherapy would be filled up, >80 of them in all.

My nurse was helpful when I told her of the 2-week long numbness I suffered last session. She offered a warm pad on the arm where the infusion took place - as the coldness would trigger a tingling and numb feeling. She also advised me to exercise and massage the arm after I went home, after use warm pad over it. These were very useful tips, the effect was much reduced after following what she said.

3) Why Suffering?
Some people asked me why we have to go through suffering. Especially since God is such a loving God.
I could not give a direct answer straightaway. However, the belief that God has best plan for each one of one keep me to be calm and still. As I journey through this phase of life and ponder over this, I think there are at least few reasons for suffering:

Our Lord Jesus mentioned in John that there would be tribulation.

John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."

However, he mentioned we could have peace in Him.

a) Help us to draw closer to God, and strengthen our faith

When troubles or disasters come, we realize how helpless or powerless we actually are. We could only cry out to God. As He is the sovereign God, a God full of compassion and mercy, who promises that He would never forsake us, we could experience his might through His deliverance. We experience how real He is to us.  This is also a chance for come and seek Him, wait upon Him - patiently waiting for all His promises fulfilled. 

 The Bible records Job who went through great suffering. At the end of it, he said:

Job42:⁵I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,

   but now my eye sees you.....

Suffering enables us to have that deeper level of his touch over our lives.  These leave indelible marks, so we would always be thankful to the awesome God.

b) that we could a comforter to fellow sufferers
 God promises to give us comfort in all suffering. As written in 2 Cor 1:3-4-
 ³ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

As I go through this journey, I realize it is now much easier for me to relate to others' suffering. People are generally more open when they could identify themselves with me. Just like the patients we met at the hospital, they are always open to share, and lend support and encouragement.

c) make God known, and give Him the recognition that is due(give glory to His name).
Through this trial, my Mum and siblings have started praying for me. May the peace of God and his goodness be so real to them too. My mother-in-law said she would start attending church when I fully recoverd. Many friends told me their own faith has been strengthened. I have been praying for all these wonderful people in my life for years that they could experience God more in their lives.
Romans 8:28
 ²⁸And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are^(B)called according to His purpose.


d) present an opportunity to re-examine my life--
It is a perfect time for reflection, and self examination on:
* belief
* value system
* how I live out my life
 Thinking through what I really believe in,  my thoughts, priorities, what to let go/hold on to, what are real important things and of significance....What changes I could bring to my life, my lifestyle....what could I change in my thinking, perspective; any prejudice, presumption, misconception?
These I would continue to seek May God grant me a humble heart, may the Lord continue to lead me..........
^{Rom 12:2} Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

e) Receive blessing from others. 

Throughout this period, there are many many people who showered us with their love. They have given us their time, energies, resources, compassion.......it is a time of bonding with many, establishing and re-establishing relationship with friends old and new...

On our end, every prayer, every encouragement, every blessing is a source of motivation for us to persevere on.

(f) Appreciate life more and give thanks always treasure each day
As I journey through this phase of life, where everything takes a slower pace, it enables appreciation of  life at a different level......I begin to realize that the scenery is also beautiful as one takes the slower pace, seeing things that could easily be omitted when we rush by. As I walked the garden each day, there are plants, trees, flowers, thriving and blossoming, changing a little bit everyday. The frangipani, ixora, and many flowers that I cannot name, the trees that shed the leaves and yet grows back in a pleasant green welcome me everyday. The purple flowers that show up in February have all fallen, with expectation I look forward to seeing them  bloom again next season.

In perspective, there are always people who suffer much more, as we often saw in hospital, in newspaper, TV etc. Yet they face the challenge with much resolution and faith. They are all role models for me. So there is no reason for me not to give thanks and treasure each new day. So I attempt to smile to the guy in the mirror every single day!

祂使我躺卧在青草地上，领我到可安歇的水边He makes me lie down on green pastures, He leads me beside quite waters 

随笔

1

Couple of weeks ago, while I was reading newspaper, my wife asked why I did not wash my hand which was "stained" by the ink from the newspaper. It was actually a side-effect from the chemo. The skin tone has darkened, especially on the fingers and toes. It was the toxic that has surfaced on the skin. The same effect also seen on the sore of my right foot. It puzzles me why only on my right foot. (right footing??)

Due to the stronger dosage of the chemo drugs, I felt the side-effect longer this round. The arm on which the infusion took place continue to feel numb. Took a week to get over the lethargy. Thankfully things are getting better now.

2

On Tuesday, I went to visit the Chinese physician. She reviewed the blood test report I brought along. Liver functions have improved. Low blood count has also been restored. Thanks to the herbs that she prescribed. Dryness in the month and throat has improved significantly. 

Due to the nature of the setup, she was able to took time to chat with each patient. Unlike the government hospital, where time is more constrained. Took another prescription and off to the medical hall in Chinatown again.

3.

Mar 11. Horrific scale 9.0 earthquake in Japan. Tsunami followed. Then nuclear crisis. Snow. When it rains, it pours.

The TV footage showed much destruction. When the waves came, nothing in the path was spared. Houses, cars, everything was tossed about like toys.Uncounted lives was lost in an instant, property, cars and all physical possessions ended up in total rumbles. What a sight, what a tragedy. How powerless we are in front of the force of nature. Despite such a calamity, hats off to the Japanese who have showed much resilience and solidarity. They remained mostly calm and orderly, helping out one another in the face of calamity.

The nuclear crisis unsettled many. Invisible threat is causing fear and panic. Major evacuations ensued.

With the turmoil in Middle East and North Africa, and the frequency of natural disasters, I couldn't help to recall what Jesus said:" 

 ⁷For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and there will be famines and earthquakes in place after place;    ⁸All this is but the beginning [the early pains] of the birth pangs [of the intolerable anguish].(Matthew 24)

I wish for those whom I have been praying for, that you would believe and turn to God, resting in His mightly arm who offers peace and mercy. ³² “Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near.(Matthew 24).  May you seriously consider this.

4

Thank God for Brother Ho.....he has been such a blessing to me all this while. Without fail, he sends me weekly sms/text of encouragement, this really helps in keeping my spirit high . 

Thank to the church too. They sent visitation team to encourage. Brother A and his gang has such a vibrant faith that easily stoke the fire of faith in us.May God bless the work of his team.
I was very touched when a friend told me he had been praying for me everyday. May God bless you Mr K!!

^2Cor4:18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever ()

歌林多后书4：18  因此，我們不去顧慮眼前這看得見的苦難，只嚮往那看不見的、上帝所應許將要來臨的榮耀。因為這看得見的苦難是暫時的，那看不見的榮耀是永久的。

Looking ahead 展望

The 3-week ended rather fast. Started yet another chemo session 2 days ago.

During this period, the side effects were much better than the previous round. The lethargy that set in typically 3rd day were more bearable.  Overall I was feeling quite good after the 4th day. The oral prescription took 2 weeks, then 1 week of  "rest".

Mar 8 was International Women's Day. Time again to see the oncologist, Dr K. As usual, did blood test at 8,  and consultation after that. This round was a shorter 45-minute wait for the doctor. There was another patient who did follow-up at the waiting area whom my wife chatted with. She was having colon cancer 6.5 years ago. She has since recovered  and doing a routine follow-up with Dr K. Before she left, she encouraged us to have faith. Faith -  Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.(Hebrew 11:1). 

The blood test results continued to be good, with tumor marker CEA at good level. The doc did the routine check and  reviewed all the previous chemo session, there was once some drug was taken care before the 2nd operation. This was to facilitate the healing process. So this round he increased the dosage slightly. Dr K suggested the chemo would cover a 6-month period. He said if the body could tolerate it, it would be best to complete the recommended course. This means about 3 more sessions to go.

The chemo infusion session started at 2.40 and lasted for 2.5 hours, instead of the usual 2. The hand was numb and feeling of tingling for another 30 hours or so. By the time we reached home, it was 6.15pm. What a day to celebrate Women's Day for my wife!

                                                           

Gifts from my dear far-away friends 远方朋友的赠书

Spring Returns! 春回大地

Chinese New Year was over, so was St. Valentine's Day. These 2 days I went to see all the 3 doctors taking care of me. On Tuesday, did blood test as usual first. The lab was open from 7.30am. I reached there at about 7.45am, by then there was about 10 pax in the queue. It got real crowded after 8, with 50-60 pax at any one time. The blood test was given urgent status as I was seeing the doctors the same day.

Reviewed with Prof O - the liver surgeon. By then, it was 1 1/2 hours after the blood sample was taken, and the test report was ready. Prof explained the the report to us. Tumor markers,  CEA and CA19.9,  have returned to normal level. The liver function test results were as expected, the new growth of liver was almost completed. Prof was very happy with the progress, and of course, we were happier. It was always pleasant experience meeting with Prof, he is ever so positive, genuine and kind. There were 2 students from medical school understudying him now. Part of passing experience to budding doctors!

Next we saw Dr K, the oncologist. Dr K's clinic was always busiest among all the clinics at the Cancer Center. I suspect there is imbalance among the patient allocation, or more patients requesting to be under his care. Waiting time this round was 2 hours. Dr K is a patient man. He examined me and went through the blood test reports. He said everything was gone well. He would consider reducing the chemo drug dosage the next cycle. Then he rushed off, attending to an emergency case at the hospital. A bunch of patients in the queue were not very happy. The nurse had some hard time in appeasing them.

Next went to the Ambulatory Treatment Unit for chemotherapy. After urine test first, another 1 hour wait. 2 hours of infusion of drug followed. The nurse attending was from Xi'an, China. Hmm, meeting so many people from Xi'an in my work and now here too. China is a newer source of nurse' supply other than those more traditional sources like Malaysia and the Philippines....twice I was served by medical staff from Oman, so many nationalities working here. And the patients too are from different places, local, Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand, Vietnam, and the most conspicuous ones are from Middle East donning their traditional costumes.  It was almost 6pm when we left. Our car would not start in the carpark.  It was flat battery. Fortunately, the guy waiting for a parking lot nearby was very helpful, he helped in jump-starting the car. Bless his kind soul. We then went to Chinatown to pick up some herbs. When we arrive, the medical hall was already closed for the day. We asked the shop assistant at the door waiting to go home. She was kind enough to open the door again to allow us get our medicine. What a blessing it was for the day!

On Wednesday reviewed with the colon-rectal surgeon. He was happy too with the progress. So we were even more thankful to God . He has arranged for all the good doctors to handle my case. As Dr K, the oncologist, promised during my very first consultation with him, "Our aim to be get rid of the source for you," he said. Truly we are grateful. Above all, we praise God who is our ultimate Healer, healing us as a whole being - body, soul and spirit. In Him our peace lies.

^{Psalm 34:8} Taste and see that the Lord is good.
      Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!

詩 篇 34

  ⁸ 你 们 要 尝 尝 主 恩 的 滋 味 ， 便 知 道 他 是 美 善 ； 投 靠 他 的 人 有 福 了 ！

Update 进展

The pain from the wound after the op was more intense than I ever thought. After 3 weeks, I was still feeling not so well though there was gradual improvement daily. At night, I have to try to get into a sleeping position that minimized the pain felt. My PMR(Pain Management Regime) was not very successful even though I tried various techniques. I pleaded with God. He spoke to my mind I would be better in 2 days' time. Truly there was a significant improvement 2 days later. I was able to walk ~1.5x the speed I managed the day before. There are another quantum leap last Thursday. Almost all the pain were gone that day, I could sleep in whatever position I wish. What a relief and a blessing to enjoy such pleasant surprises! Now there is the pain is at ~3% to remind me not to go running yet. 

The chemotherapy that started last Wed Jan 26 went fairly well. I was feeling real tired on the 2nd to 4th days, and sleeping a lot. Other than that, thankfully the side effects like giddiness, dryness in throat and taste change are manageable. When Pastor called, he was actually quite happy that I did so well(we pray hard for no side effect!)

Yesterday, I went to consult the Chinese physician again. The hospital was very quite compared to a normal day, due to the Chinese New Year. So shorter queuing time.  TCM helps to ease the discomfort felt from the chemo. The kind physician provided another prescription after reviewing the medical and blood test reports from the doctors. 

It was raining quite a lot here. Feeling cold. Yesterday the sun shone again. So after almost 1 week, I resumed strolling again in the park. Felt good.

Today is the Chinese New Year Eve, wishing everyone a good holiday; enjoy the re-union and stay healthy. Thanks to those who send wishes and visited, and also those who pray!

Jeremiah 31:3 (New Living Translation)

 ³ Long ago the Lord said to Israel:
   “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love.
      With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.

耶 利 米 書 31:3 (Chinese Union Version (Simplified))

 ³ 古 时 （ 或 译 ： 从 远 方 ） 耶 和 华 向 以 色 列 （ 原 文 是 我 ） 显 现 ， 说 ： 我 以 永 远 的 爱 爱 你 ， 因 此 我 以 慈 爱 吸 引 你 。

Next treatment 下个疗程

After a fairly long break, saw the oncologist again this morning. Dr K was all smiling today. He was spot on with the chemo drugs. They have very effectively killed the tumor cells. The blood test today showed that CEA (a tumor marker) had returned to normal, which was great news. So the doctor's recommendation was to continue chemo using the same drugs. He said eradicate it altogether.

Next chemo will start tomorrow. Instead of the 48-hour session, after couple of hours of dripping/pumping the drugs, the rest of the infusion would be replaced by oral drugs. It is a great relief. Otherwise, it would mean inserting a (Hickmann's) catheter on the chest again. That had given me trouble the last time, with bleeding and attention at the A&E department, extra precautions to be taken during shower, weekly dressing and severely limiting the use of my right hand becos' I could not carry weight more than 3kg and lift my arm above my hand (but thank to that - I have learnt to use my left hand much more nowaday, like brushing my teeth etc...). And also reduce the number of trip to the treatment centre.

Chemo sessions will last minimum of 3 months(inclusive of the 1.5 mos. done previously) and maximum of 6 months. It would be dependent of the body reaction, and blood test results.

Chinese New Year is just around the corner. Wishing everyone a Blessed New Year, and may you enjoy good health!


^{Psalm77： 14} You are the God who performs miracles;
   you display your power among the peoples.

詩 篇 77
¹⁴ 你 是 行 奇 事 的 神 ； 你 曾 在 列 邦 中 彰 显 你 的 能 力 。